maybe you're watching the nbc nightly news. if so, you just saw this plastic-haired cracker ass give an important update on home-town-boy-made-good Jose Padilla. about how they have to strap him into one of those mid nineties virtual reality things with the goggles and headphones just to take him to the dentist, or the insurance office or something. i guess cause he might see some slightly radioactive material and use some kind of dark jedi powers to snatch it and then instantly turn it into a dirty bomb.

but what's really important is that it turns out the correct pronunciation of his name rhymes with Godzilla. i guess everyone else in the entire world has been saying it wrong up til now. now that's some professional news reading.

end of broadcast update, about 5:55pm

luckily this was a special edition of the news with fewer commercials; for some reason the anchor kept mentioning that. that's nice, because they had time to squeeze in a segment where plastic hair sucks the ass of some generals who are decomissioning an old air craft carrier. god, that shit would look awesome in hi def!

channel eleven update 6:10pm

what the fuck?! jim lehrer can't even pronounce kofi annan's name right? jesus christ.